Just when I was thinking about how boring my day was going, my phone gave a ting sound. For those who are thinking if I am going to start a horror story, it was just my normal text notification tone. But the text was from one of my college friends, the one with whom I have not talked since months or may be a year. It made me happy honestly, completely changed my mood. Does it happen to you guys too?
Do friendship criteria change with age?
When I was in school, I was not aware about the difference between a good friend or a bad friend. During those times, I believe that we were happier. But as we grow, the media, books or our environment misinterpret the definition of friendship in our minds. We start expecting things from our friends and if they cannot stand on those expectations, friendship ends. We tend to forget the initial reason of starting that friendship or the trait you liked in her/him. This expectation thing is not only in relationships but in friendship also.
Can we end expectations?
It is very difficult to say that you can end expectations from a person. It is in our human nature. The thing we can do is to understand and communicate with them instead of leaving the bond.
I personally learned this thing from my experience .I used to believe that “if example A person has many expectations or she/he is always complaining, it is better that I end friendship with her/him so that it does not affect me in any sense” .But what if still affect you. There is another one “example B person is so lazy, I always cook breakfast or bath early, but she/he never does, why only I become the culprit? So, I ended the friendship because of my expectations”. And these both situations have happened to me and I have lost my friendships.
The Solution I realized
First of all it may happen that you genuinely want not to keep in touch with some friends as with time you realize that the other person is not interested. But with some people ,conversations end without any reason.The thing we can do in this situation is to talk to him/her or listen in case the other person has expectations for me. Communication is the key.
We can remember the time when it started initially, the common things we used to share or the common interests we both had. There can also be the case where you do not agree here with my opinion. It is totally ok. You will say that you don’t have enough time to talk or to think about these things. But according to my experience , time is never an issue.
I believe if there was a true friendship at any moment in the past, it is difficult to forget because of time. You will always think or talk about it. But in case there was never a true friendship, or something happened and your trust broke then it is better to move forward.
What most of us do?
There was something in that person that you did not like because of having some expectations in your mind for him/her that were not fulfilled. Most of you will start ignoring or stop talking to her/him. But from my learning , no one other than you is perfect according to you.
When you come in a friendship or in a relationship, it is important that you talk about your things or problems with her/him. It feels nice when your friend asks a simple question about how you are doing today. In USA, they ask this question to everyone they meet.
The thing that I prefer in friendship now is loyalty. To me it does not matter if the person is fulfilling my expectations or not. If he/she is calling me regularly or monthly, it does not matter to me. What matters is whenever he/she call, is he/she true to me or she/he is faking? When something important happens, does she/he remember me? Is another person investing his/her own time in me? these things matter to me now.
There was a time when I used to think that this is possessiveness but without communication, no relation can survive. And guys by adopting this as a lesson in my life, I have made some close friends whom I can reach anytime. Your circle can be as small as a single person, but that should be always reachable. I believe that friends are not special friendship is special.
Am I in touch with all my friends?
In my case, I feel myself lucky to have some people in my life who are always with me. There is one friend since my childhood days, we were neighbors and we used to play together. With time and studies, I could not find time for her, but by messages we still sometimes connect mostly from her side and I am thankful to her for this.
If I talk about my graduation, I used to have many good friends and I still cherish the time we spent together. But there is no single friend for whom I can say yes, we are still connected. What I mean by connection is sharing my things with them, and it is not possible to share things with everyone. At some point of time, I was like I don’t need anyone to share things with. But it feels good to have a friend by your side to listen to you.
My work has given me my gems. One of them was my roommate and other one my project buddy. We do not connect on a regular basis, but they are special because our talks have not changed, and they have not changed. There is a recent one added in the list whom I met in Indiana,USA.
There are many other friends also in my life but the bond is like if we meet, then maybe we’ll enjoy the time. Either they have changed or may be according to them I have. In some cases, time and distance separate people. But in the end, there should be a handful of people in everybody’s life that are reachable whenever you need them. These people can be from your family also, but generation gap make understanding difficult according to me.
