2020:Getting married or staying single?

It is quite funny though that the person writing this article is married since the age of 24. But still the decision to get married or stay single is difficult to make and an important one as it changes your life completely. We generally ask our friends or relatives about their own experience. I would like to contribute my version here.

Why staying single is an option now

First of all, I am not biased towards gender, but women generally are running away from marriages nowadays. It is not our mistake or any problem that we are facing this issue. It is because of the society we live in.

In history we were struggling with our education issues. We were busy establishing ourselves that we women can also read and excel in our careers. While girls were taunted repeatedly that they are not of worth to their own family. It was the need of the hour because of the problems our country was facing like female infanticide ,domestic abuse etc.

When women have achieved excellence in education and have built their careers. And  when they have learned to handle the finances of their families ,they are liking this thing . Of course who will not when she is given the chance of reading in schools, playing sports, following even dance as hobbies. And is no longer forced to perform household chores only . The whole idea is, it is now up to her whatever she wants to do in her life. Then one day it is decided that she should be married now.

How to decide between getting married or staying single

Ideal Age

There are multiple scenarios here to discuss. You are reaching the marriage age as per ancient Indian law. The reason behind marriage being linked to age is biological. Truth is women face problems in conceiving after a certain age. But what if they do not want children. Already our country’s population is the root cause of many problems. Then you can marry at any age. So why not stay single as long as you desire.

Love or arrange marriage 

Whatever is the marriage type, it is arranged or love. Daughters-in-law are treated with much better respect nowadays. In this respect, India has developed a little. The thing that is important is the compatibility with your partner and this is not an instant decision to make. It is very important that you date enough before marrying to develop a good understanding with each other. I strongly believe that compatibility and respect are very important in a relationship. Also make sure you clear your goals with each other well before. Love exists within you only if you are happy. There is a popular saying “Miya biwi raaji to kya karega kaaji”.

Staying Single

Nowadays women are more independent not only financially but in every respect. Staying single is no longer an issue. And this number is increasing every year. There is no issue in taking care of your own parents instead of someone else. It also comes with the added benefit of your complete focus on your career. Marrying someone means you both are a family now. So,career goals are affected both for men and women. So instead you can fulfill your dreams and do whatever you want to achieve in your life. If you worry about what your neighbors or relatives will say, these people always find a way to insult people . Their next question will be when you are becoming a mother.

How I choose marriage

I am a type of person who believe in love since my childhood. Though there was a time in between when my faith in love vanished. This was after watching the life of many couples who were very close to me. I am like why those guys are still in a relationship. Spending time with friends become more career oriented. I was enjoying my life as a single and was not prepared for such a big step.

Compatibility

Then love knocked at my door. I was amazed. I had never seen such a person in my life. The reason I am saying this is because I was the kind of person who like to enjoy each and every moment of life. If the other person wants to put you in a cage ,then run from that relationship. Freedom is everybody’s right.

I am the one who always manage to find time for fun, friends and family while working hard in terms of career. And my love is similar to me. Also, what matters to me is the behavior and thinking of a person not his outer appearance. But normally you will find in most of the people that they think exactly opposite. So when you see majority and when you see that person, you feel like this is the one where you belong. 

Shared Goals

We can talk for hours about topics from anywhere in the world and enjoy discussions while respecting each other’s opinions. We both love traveling even hiking and have done many long treks. He is a certified hiker and I am on the way to achieve it. Also, we are very eager to learn new skills. We both are very emotional. Both of us love hearing sad songs or in our language “deeper songs”. We enjoy each other’s company and that is very important. We have some different hobbies also as we are two different people. Sometimes anger dominate over us, fights happen. Arguments occur but then respect for each other comes in the mind. And fights end after few hours as we cannot see each other like that. The main thing is we share our goals, compatible with each other and enjoy each other’s company.

I have lived life as a single, after a certain time you have nobody in your life left to accompany you. Everybody is busy in their own lives.This is perfect if you want to attain spirituality. I am the kind of person who enjoy traveling alone too. But at the end of the day, I need someone by my side, to listen to me and to accompany me where-ever I go.

Transformation in me after marriage

The thing that annoys you is the responsibility that comes after marriage. I have lived in the hostel during my hostel days, so I have experience of living in the dirt. I am habitual of eating whatever food is presented to me. But this is not possible in our Indian families. My mom was irritated whenever she saw my room.

Cleaning

After we started living together, , I started cleaning by myself.This was my own personal realization.As there is no mom to clean everything for me. Also, who does not feel good when everything is clean around you. Just I was a bit lazy and cleaning is least expected from a man. When I asked him if dirt irritates him, he said that it does not matter to him. It is right in some sense, so whenever I found dirt and it irritates me. I started cleaning but not according to a regular routine.

Cooking

In my case at least he knows cooking so when I am not in the mood or I don’t know to cook a particular item. He cooks. And I learned this skill slowly but now I can cook a variety of food.

For those who consider it as a boring thing. It is very creative first of all compared to most of the jobs including IT. If you follow the same recipe, the end product is always different.What really inspired me to cook is the fact it is an essential life hack. I am fond of traveling and I always dream of situations like if I am left alone in the island, how will I survive. That’s why swimming is next one in my learning list.

But at the end it becomes monotonous when you need to do these tasks regularly just like our IT jobs. So I prefer not to make it regular, taking one thing at a time. A routine is never exciting and being a housewife is a full-time job which comes with the only benefit of being your own boss.

If you think about hiring a maid for cooking too, there are many health concerns.So it can done on a sharing basis with your partner if you are working. In USA everybody clean their own houses and prepare their own food while working and sometimes doing two different jobs in a single day. There are no maids in houses normally.But while living with family, it is difficult to manage.

Choosing to become a housewife

Because the office jobs bind you to the desk throughout the day which leads to many health issues plus you cannot do your own things. A lot of women are shifting to become housewives, managing their own homes which requires hard work too and ultimately leading to a good family environment. Marriage is sharing of love and responsibilities.

It is not necessary to do a job if you do not want to as considered by society in the recent times. There are marriage advertisements currently desiring a working girl for their son. But it should be up-to you whatever you want to do. The thing is if both husband and wife are working and living in a joint family, then bear the circumstances. Be prepared for the adverse health effects of your food being made by the maid, extra burden it will have on both of you, no me time and not feeling guilty about your children loving their grandparents. As everything needs time and love. And everything should be discussed before marrying.

My story

In USA, because I was on a H4 visa, I could not work. Being in IT for almost 3 years, it was hard. But slowly I learned that first study, then job make you so habitual of being busy all the time that we forget to enjoy life.

And I have learned the fact now that if you are in a particular profession, it is not necessary that you learn only about it. Working is ultimately done for financing yourself .Also it feels good if that profession match your interest.

After watching my partner following photography as his passion along with the IT work, I learned photography and I am still learning. We had lot of time and opportunity to travel, so we explored many places together. I learned to perform makeup and hair which I never tried being busy all the time, my conversations with mom and dad started increasing because I had time to listen to them. So, these were among many other learnings on which I would write separately.

It is not like I do not want to work in IT again but now I also want to do so many other things. So, keep exploring. If you are happy and can manage things while still remaining happy ,there is nothing in this world to achieve beyond that .

Let me know in the comments what are your views or if there is any feedback you would like to provide.

Also Read

Friends and me Nowadays or Age of Friendship

https://www.theexplorerdiary.com/friends-and-me-nowadays-age-of-friendship/

7 hobbies I developed in a relationship

https://www.theexplorerdiary.com/7-hobbies-i-developed-in-a-relationship/

Settle in a town or city

https://www.theexplorerdiary.com/settle-in-a-city-or-in-a-town/